Let the baby making begin!

Unfortunately, I didn't respond to the full dosage of Femara. It was a sad and hard day. My doctor sat us down and we went through our options again. Shots or IVF is what it came down to. She reminded us of the risk of having multiples if we did the shots but that we could do a little experimenting with it if we wanted. We would do the lowest dosage of the shots to see if I respond and increase it slowly until I have two or three follicles mature. Normally, when doctors prescribe the shots they do full dosage and it opens up seven or eight follicles. If you have a lot of healthy eggs thats when you have 3+ babies at once. If you have a low egg count then this is good way to get pregnant because even though you several follicles open they won't necessarily have the eggs to release. Thankfully I have a lot of healthy eggs but it makes this treatment risky. It was a tough decision but we decided to try the shots at a low dosage. It's a little expensive but not nearly as expensive as IVF and we felt good about the decision.

I started shots that day and five days later I went back in. We-us and the doctor- weren't expecting to see any results. Matt and I were just trying to keep our hopes down. It's less disappointing that way. The doctor however thought the dosage was too low to start seeing anything. We were all pleasantly surprised!! I responded and had 3 mature follicles! It seriously was a miracle! My doctor is convinced that I have never had a follicle mature so she was more excited then we were! 

I'll have to take a trigger shot in a couple days that will release my eggs, then the hubs and I do the baby makin' dance and we wait. 

We're really excited about this! However we do have a bit of a problem...I'm flying to Florida tomorrow for work. I'm supposed to take my trigger shot on Saturday. I'm not supposed to get back until Monday. No one at work knows about our infertility. Haven't quite figured that one out yet.....

People treat you differently

So lately I've been having a pity party and I've only invited myself.  I've been struggling with the way the very few people that know about our infertility have been treating me. Maybe I'm just self conscious but I just feel like every time someone wants to know about how things are going that they tip toe around it. I'm totally fine talking about it but I want to be asked directly. I get sheepish/nervous/indirect/awkward "How are you?" or "Are you doing okay?".  It's just weird and makes me feel like something is wrong. I mean there is something wrong but not like that type of wrong. Does that make sense? It's almost like that awkward feeling when someone's relative or close friend dies and you aren't sure how to talk to them. It's just weird.

On top of it all I have a ridiculous fear of telling people about our situation. It could be for a number of reasons but the way people respond is one of the big reasons. People act different. Hardly anyone knows but I have a few close friends that do and each fall into one of the categories from this video clip. We watch How I Met Your Mother religiously and this part hit much too close to home. (PS-She thought she was pregnant but found out she wasn't so now she's "celebrating".)

I have a friend that always wants to go out to eat and pays for it. Or they bring me treats. One asks questions that are a little ahead of where I'm at and I'm never quite sure how to respond without feeling dumb. Another will seriously start crying when I talk about it. Plus, at one point she was literally following me around waiting for the "perfect" moment to ask me about things. I kind of freaked out at her at that point. I couldn't handle it.

I do not want to be treated differently. Yes, the whole situation totally stinks, but that is the life we have right now. I'm okay. Husband is okay. Some days are hard but we're doing just fine. Should I not be fine? Should I be just as worried and concerned as my friends are? I don't know. What I do know is that I'm totally fine talking about it. If you ask directly I will tell what I want to tell you or what I feel comfortable sharing.