4 Little Miracles

The Larson's hold a special place in my heart. Courtney and I became friends in college and without knowing then we shared something very sacred in common. When we began really trying to figure out what was going on Courtney announced their miracle babies. I put myself out there and sent her a message on Facebook. I made a bold assumption and asked if her babies came "naturally". This sounds strange and almost horrible but I hoped that they weren't. I needed a friend. I needed someone that understood my heartache. Courtney was so open with their situation and built my faith. I was able to ask questions, share my feelings, and she knew what I was experiencing. The Larson family has given us hope, support, and love. We pray for their miracle babies everyday and are so grateful that they were willing to share their story.

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I tried my best to keep myself from crying as our fertility Dr. explained to my husband and I that I had PCOS. I had never even heard of PCOS before and was shocked to find out that having kids was not going to be easy. I left that appointment feeling overwhelmed and defeated. I was already so tired of people asking why Cameron and I didn’t have kids yet. It is amazing how often that question gets asked as soon as you get married. For someone that is struggling with infertility it is a dagger in the heart.

I was disappointed in myself all the time. I was upset that my body was failing at getting pregnant. I was mad at myself for not being as excited as I should be about family and friends getting pregnant. I was embarrassed that this was happening to me. I was blessed with the most amazing husband who lifted me up during the really hard times.

We underwent three rounds of IUI before we were successful. Our first round we tried Clomid and my body did not respond. The next two rounds we tried the Follistim shots. After my first two rounds I developed cysts and had to wait a few months before we could try again. Each round I was monitored very closely and went in twice a week to check egg growth. We never saw four eggs.

We showed up to our first ultrasound so excited. Our dream of being parents was finally coming true. After taking a few moments to look around our Dr. turned to my husband and told him to sit down and stay seated. She turned the screen so we could see and showed us our four babies. The following week I would be driving home from work and start laughing and then immediately start crying. We were shocked. This was not supposed to happen.

I was put on strict bed rest at 19 weeks due to pre-term labor. At 21 weeks I was placed in the hospital for the remainder of my pregnancy. Four weeks later I delivered four beautiful babies. We became the proud parents of two boys and two girls. Our biggest baby was 1lb 15oz and our smallest was 1lb 5oz. Our babies spent between 121-137 days in the Strong Memorial Hospital in Rochester, NY. They are our miracle babies. March 11, 2013 we celebrated their first birthday and we have never been prouder.

No one should have to endure infertility. For those that are getting that heartbreaking news, I am so sorry. Even though it feels like it, you are not alone. If you have any questions, feel free to ask (courtneywelchlarson@facebook.com). We are very open and willing to help anyone who is having trouble trying to get pregnant.

-Courtney

Thoughts from The Lowder's

In honor of Infertility Awareness Week I thought it would great to hear the stories of other couples faced with infertility. Amber and her husband Travis are also being sponsored by Pound the Pavement for Parenthood! In fact we are sharing the same race day! After an intense road on their adventure of infertility Amber and Travis were inspired to move towards adoption! They are going to make amazing parents and we are so excited for the little bundle of happiness that will come to their family. Below is their story. It's beautiful and empowering. And here's the link for their family blog...www.travisandber.blogspot.com and the link to their adoption blog www.lowderadoption.blogspot.com. Spread the word and help them find their miracle! 

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Our Road of Infertility...

You never know when this life changing trial is going to choose you. It isn’t in us to expect that you’re going to struggle to bring a child of your own into your home.  We never prevented pregnancy. After about a year of nothing happening we went into the Doctor. All the labs came back normal, which is weird considering I have endometriosis, chronic anovulation, possible PCOS.  It wasn’t a surprise that I had these things wrong with me as they do run in my family and even with my identical twin sister. But I figured that they were able to get pregnant so it was just a matter of trying hard enough and getting in to the doctor.

I was really hopeful after my first appointment. We started out small with Clomid, but didn’t really respond, so we tried Femora and it seemed to regulate me but they couldn’t confirm that I ovulated. So we got more aggressive and did the HCG shot to up our chances. After that didn’t work, we went in and did our first IUI and it didn’t work and neither did the next 2 IUI’s. We went in and gave ourselves a fresh slate by me having a laparoscopy and getting rid of my endometriosis and checking that I didn’t have cervical cancer. Which I didn’t thank goodness.  It helped my periods too so we were hopeful again. So we tried our 4^th IUI and it failed, the next one we couldn’t do because I developed a cyst. That’s when I noticed I was gaining a lot of weight; I became depressed and sad at our situation that all around me it was happening for other women, but not me. So we took it to the next step and tried being as aggressive as we could and did IUI’s with femora, with HCG, with injectable drugs to increase my eggs. We were trying everything suggested to us: yoga…vitamins…herbs….chiropractor. At one point a doctor was telling me to eat more bacon and butter and salt and that cholesterol was a myth!! Like I said we tried everything we could and after 2 more failed attempts, we threw in the towel and our doctor said it was time for IVF. We had done all that we could do. After several different well-known doctors and all the treatments they all recommended; we were left empty handed.  It was a moment I will never forget. The disappointment and hurt at moments seemed to swallow us up. I hate shots and felt like we had pushed past what we ever thought we could do emotionally or financially.

We were devastated, but we pushed through and started to save up for IVF. When we were getting closer, and we were just about to take out a loan for the procedure, all of a sudden it didn’t seem right. We were devastated at these feelings but as the dust settled we started thinking about adoption and a little flame was lit. At first we were hesitant, but we became educated and then the fire within our hearts began.

So now we are in the process of adoption….it is a different kind of hard.

The biggest thing I have learned from doing Infertility is that yes it isn’t fair sometimes how it doesn’t just happen for some people. I think we both definitely went through depression, disappointment and even down right anger, where we felt like we couldn’t keep doing this. Even sometimes to point of just saying we are done trying to bring children into our home. But somehow we are lifted and we keep going.  But I think trying to focus on that we will have children by means of fertility treatments or adoption and sometimes just taking it moment at a time helps. But it is a hard road. But I know we will appreciate those little ones that finally make it to our home. But it definitely is one of the hardest things we have had to go through. But we are doing it and we love being in support groups and we are wide open about our story…so if we can offer anything to anyone…we are here!!!

Love-Amber and Travis

Not so long ago...

This week is Infertility Awareness Week. No too long ago I probably wouldn't have thought anything about this. If it I saw a post on Facebook or a comment on a blog I probably would have just skimmed onto the next thing not taking a second glance. In fact I do this with causes that others post about. It's not personal to me so I don't pay attention. I need to change that mindset of mine. Even though it may not be something I experience it doesn't make it less important. Anyways, back to what I was saying. Until this year, until I started going through fertility treatments and really started to FEEL the impact of infertility in my life Infertility Awareness Week wouldn't have meant a dang thing to me.

You see, I was warned long ago that I may struggle with infertility but I was also in my teens and in my mind I was invincible, couldn't fathem the thought of having children, and I had bigger things to think about like football games, MSN messenger, and boys. I was ignorant to what the doctor was saying and in those moments I had no idea how much it would effect and matter to me.

As ridiculous as it sounds I'm grateful for my ignorance at that time in my life. I'm grateful I didn't understand what infertility would mean to me however many years later. I'm grateful that I lived in my youthful bliss unknowing of the heartache and pain I'd feel not being able to conceive month after month. I remember the first time the thoughts that I would struggle getting pregnant became real. Matt and I were ready to get married. We were head over heals in love and I had finally caught up to his surity of that whole eternal commitment thing. But (there's always a but isn't there?), I knew that before we could move forward I needed to be absolutely 100% honest and when the subject of our future family came up I had to tell my secret. I remember telling him about PCOS. I told him about all the symptoms and what ones I was already dealing with on a daily basis. And then I told him about the one that I wouldn't know about until it was too late and we couldn't turn back. INFERTILITY. I told him it was a possibility that I would struggle getting pregnant and maybe not be able to bear children at all. I told him that if that unknown about me was a deal breaker I would understand. If he had to walk away I would be okay....eventually. In that moment is where I first began to learn how much Matt King loved me. He didn't need the guarantee of a baby to be sure about us being a family. Infertility didn't change his love for me or my love for him.

That moment was only a taste of the bittersweet experience we would face just a few short years down the road. Even though I was able to share my concern and fear with him before we wed I don't think I really believed that it would come true. That we really wouldn't be able to get pregnant the good old fashioned way like everyone else. Some days I ache for my ignorance and unbelief. Others I am grateful for the strength I've gained. And at times I want to crawl in a hole because I feel utterly alone in our inabilty to make a baby.

That's why I think Infertilty Awareness Week is important. It's an opportunity to reach out to those that feel alone. With infertility being a bit on the "taboo" side of things to talk about it I think during this week its importnat to lift each other, fertile or infertile. Share your thoughts and ask questions. Although the ignorant days sometimes sound nice life is much better on this side. We're infertile and we're moving forward.

Happy Infertility Awareness Week!

Dear friend

We woke up to this beauty this morning. Isn't that incredible?!?! We have no idea who it was either. The person that donated it only put "A Friend" and their return email address is something that doesn't resemble a name so we have no way of finding out who this person is. I'm in awe for multiple reasons..

1) $1,000! That is such a great act of kindness. I get emotional over $10 so you can imagine what happened when we saw this coming from someone we don't know. And then you add that on top of the effort put into all of this by our friends and the $2,000 matching donation from another dear friend....my goodness my heart may just stop one of these days out of pure shock.
2) We have no clue as to who it is. A stranger gave Matt and I $1,000.... $1,000!!! Who does that??
3) They are experiencing infertility as well which makes my heart ache for them. There are so many that have to experience infertility and it is such a heart-wrenching experience. It's overwhelming, disappointing, embarrassing,  humbling, and emotional. Its not something I wish on anyone.
4) They just went through their first IVF cycle and I hope and pray with all my heart that it was successful for them! The expenses IVF do not come cheap so for them to have just gone through is and be so willing to give is amazing to me.

This couple isn't just "A Friend" in our eyes, they have become a dear friend to us. Matt and I decided long ago that no matter what the outcome is for us we want to be able to give to others experiencing infertility. We want to to help others in any way we can. This donation reaffirmed that desire of ours. We hope that one day we can do something like this for someone else.

Thank you friend. May the Lord bless you in your quest to grow your family.

Humans are amazing

Maybe I should say people or living organisms are amazing. I'm sure animals are cool too, I'm just not into them. Anyways what I'm getting at is that people are incredible. In the world today it is so easy to lose faith in humanity. Its easy to believe that the good is gone. There is so much hate around us everyday. So much pain, zero patience, no consideration, entitlement, laziness..theres so much of all it around us all the time. It can sometimes to be hard to believe that people are naturally good and loving. Its hard to believe that someone would quickly jump to help another without even thinking. Its hard to believe that strangers would give so much to someone that they don't even know. 

But you know what? People are good. They are loving, thoughtful, kind, passionate, caring, considerate, and selfless. People are amazing. 

Matt and I have both been reminded of that this week. Since we started sharing our story we have felt so much love and grown in our faith and belief that the world is good. That people are good. We had reservations that the world and its people wouldn't be kind but would be harsh. We've learned that we should always "assume the good and doubt the bad". Bad will happen but the good will always follow. 

This is what a miracle looks like

This is what a miracle looks like! $1,665.00 donated on our behalf in only 8 hours. That is AMAZING!!! Not to mention the fact my awesome boss agreed to match up to $1,000 if current students or alumni from UVUSA donated it. We had a $1,000 in only 2 hours.

I've been on the verge of tears all day long. I can't believe the kindness of others. We've been so humbled by the donations of so many. My students for donating money I know they need, old friends that I haven't seen in so long sacrificing money they work hard for, people we don't even know giving to complete strangers. It's incredible. Truly incredible.

It took us (me especially) a long time to come around to the idea of allowing our friends to do a fundraiser for us. It's hard to be on the receiving side of something like this. We are so humbled. I think about those that have donated to our dream and I am amazed. My heart hurts (in a good way)  because of the gratitude, humility, love, appreciation, excitement, and happiness thats in it. I honestly cannot believe what is happening. So many people rallying around us, helping us have something we could never get on own. Thank you. Truly. I don't think it will ever be possible for me to express how we feel. How grateful we are to you. To our friends. To our family. Especially to those that pushed us to humble ourselves and ask for help. You know who you are and we love and appreciate you.

Thank you for being our miracle makers.

**UPDATE-It's been all of 5 minutes since I made this post and the fundraiser is up to $1,790.00!!! Can you believe that????? I hate even asking this but if you would like to donate visit www.gofundme.com/mattandmarissaking. Every penny helps and is sacred to us.**

My mind is runnnnnnnnnnning....

This is how I feel today.

I Believe in Christ.

Yesterday we went to the baptism of one of my students. She's read the Book of Mormon probably more diligently than I ever have, studied the Restoration, met with the missionaries, and even told her very religious family that she's made the decision to be baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was such a special day to be there with her and so many of my students who have been such wonderful examples of what it means to be a member of the church. Oh I love seeing others make that commitment to the Lord!

As she was changing out of her wet clothes we all sang hymns to keep the Spirit there and stay focused on the real reason we were there: Jesus Christ. We sang "I Believe in Christ" and "Nearer, My God, To Thee". Both hold such tender memories for me. When I was a missionary for the LDS Church I would sometimes struggle with tracting, where we would go from door to door inviting people to learn more about Christ and our faith. In fact most days I hated it. It was uncomfortable, boring, and monotonous. But I did it. Everyday. Because I didn't always have the best attitude about it I had to regularly remind myself WHY I was doing it. Hence where these two hymns come into play. I would sing them in my head over and over to remind myself of the Savior and the love that He has for me and for all those around me. (Plus they have catchy tunes that my not so music talented self could remember.) When I was focused on the Savior I was able to see the miracles that He would bring before me. I was able to see my testimony and the testimony of my companions touch the hearts of others. I was able to see others accept His love and His gospel. I was able to see the unbelievable happen in lives of others.

Yesterday, when we were singing my heart was full of peace and love. I knew my Savior loved me and I knew more than ever that He could make the unbelievable in my life happen.

I believe in Christ; he stands supreme!

From him I'll gain my fondest dream;

And while I strive through grief and pain,

His voice is heard: "Ye shall obtain."

I believe in Christ; so come what may, 

With him I'll stand in that great day

When on this earth he comes again

To rule among the sons of men. 

Regardless of what happens I'm grateful to know that the Lord knows and loves me. He knows my "fondest dream" and I know that it will one day happen. 

For now though, COME WHAT MAY. Our trials can be so difficult and frustrating but I know that as we are diligent in living a Christ centered life we can feel at peace and soon see the unbelievable happen. I know some people out there don't believe that but I do. I've seen and I've felt it in my own life and as cliché as it may sound...it is real. Christ is real. The Spirit is real. That peace and happiness is real. 

We've come out of the infertility closet.

What a day! Pound the Pavement for Parenthood officially announced their races and the couples they're sponsoring. We were so excited! So many people are sharing the post and we're thrilled to have so much support. We can't wait for the meetings we'll have to nail down the details and really get things going. Thank you to all those that are sharing the post on their walls and with their friends!

On another note...tonight we went out to dinner with some old friends for work (my job is awesome for that reason. I get to help bring alumni back and get them involved in all sorts of things.) and one that I haven't seen for quite some time asked Matt and I if there would be kids on the way anytime soon. Now normally our response is "We'll have to see." or "That's a good question...." followed by a change in the subject. These types of response have come like a reflex in the past but this time it took me off guard because its not a secret any more.
I felt my face turn red because several of those that were there are familiar with our situation and we're waiting to see what we'd say. It was the first time I could be completely honest with someone I'm not close to. It was weird. It took me by surprise because it was so different from what I've been used to for the last 3 years. We told them, briefly of course, our situation and they offered their condolences along with stories of those they know that have done private adoptions or foster care. They asked us to keep them in the loop if there was anything they could do and we carried on with our meal, conversations about T-Mobile, UVU, root beer, and marriage. I hadn't thought about what it would be like to share our story in one of these situations. It was different but not nearly as bad as I thought it could be.

Here's to sharing our story! It's liberating!

Beyond blessed.

Matt and I can't even begin to express the gratitude we have felt in the last 24 hours. I wish there were words that I could put together to explain how we feel. The outpouring of love and support has been phenomenal.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Thank you for the kind words.

Thank you for the support.

Thank you for your excitement.

And most of all thank you for your prayers.

Your thoughts and prayers have lifted us and we are grateful for the peace we have felt in our decision to share our story.

FAQ

So in addition to the outpouring love we've been receiving today we've gotten a few questions as well.

To help answer some questions that seem to be pretty common we've put together a FAQ page. 

To get to it just click on the link on the right hand side.

If you have any other questions you want to ask go for it! We don't mind being asked questions at all we just don't like the beat around the bush type things so please don't be afraid. 

I finally pushed the "Send" button

AHHHHHH!!! Now people know. Can't take it back. Can't change our minds. 

I wrote the email to send to our close family and friends last week when we first heard back from PPP. I've read it over and over and over again. Multiple times a day. I did my best to listen to the Spirit to find that balance between too much information and not enough information. Plus I have no idea what people want to know and not know. 

What if people don't understand? What if they are weirded out or uncomfortable around us? That would be the worst. I don't want things to be different and I don't want anyone to feel bad for us. It may not make sense for me to say that but everyone has their hard things and this is ours so in my mind there isn't any reason for things to change. That's a thought for another day I suppose. 

Either way I've pressed "Send" and it's out there. I'm already feeling awkward. Tomorrow is going to be a real treat. I get weird when I'm talking to people anyway so this is going to be a real comedy. 

Wish me luck. 

The ball is rollin!

I just sent in our picture and bio to Pound the Pavement for Parenthood. I'm still on cloud 9 about this and so excited about moving forward! Things are starting to feel more and more real. It's nice to have something to work towards.
This is the picture we're using...

It's my favorite picture of us so I use it for everything. Our dear friend Kara Fugal took it for us when we were engaged. I LOVE it! 

And this is our bio....Enjoy!

Matt and I have been trying to start our family since May 2010. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) when I was about 16. I took birth control pills off and on to help regulate the symptoms of PCOS but until we were actively trying to conceive there was no way to know how everything would play out. 

In May 2012, after 2 years of own efforts and hoping "the stars would align" we began Clomid. My body still didn't respond after 3 cycles at the highest dosage and we made the decision to see a specialist at the Utah Fertility Center. From there we began a cycle of Fermara which I didn't respond to either. In anticipation of finding something that would kick things into gear we tried Fermara again at the highest dosage in combination with FSH shots. I finally responded in November 2012 but although the treatment was successful it did not result in pregnancy. 

Confident that I would respond again we began the treatment a second time. Sadly, my body was slow to respond and it resulted in a month of daily shots and a pill cocktail. Confident that my follicles had developed to the necessary degree we went to our appointment on December 20, 2012 only to find out that my follicles had disappeared with no explanation. Our hearts were heavy and our hope had diminished. That day in consultation with our doctor it was decided that the next step would be to move forward with IVF. 

After that appointment we decided to take a break to regroup and prepare for our future physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. During that time we've continued to grow in our love for one another and our faith in the Lord. Our hearts are full of hope and we're officially back on the baby makin' band wagon!

We're excited to see what the future brings and are so grateful for programs like Pound the Pavement for Parenthood that are so willing to help miracles happen in others' lives. Special thanks to the board of Pound the Pavement for Parenthood and the many others supporting us in our quest to have children! For more information please feel free to follow our blog atwww.projectmanatee.blogspot.com.