Believe

On the rise

Every morning I have to take my temperature to see if it goes up. If it goes up that means I'm ovulating. It's gone up, back down, but it's been up for a few days now...that means that I should be ovulating. Which means we could get pregnant. Not that we will but it's more possible than it has been anytime before now.

I'm being optimistic.

Let me explain how this works

So it's day 5 of my cycle which means it's the third day I've taken Clomid. I figure I should explain how Clomid works and why I'm taking it. Clomid is not a fertility drug. It's a medication that triggers the necessary hormones that tell your body to ovulate. So because my doctor doesn't think I'm short on eggs and husband's swimmers swim strong she's very confident that because of my PCOS my hormones are just crazy and need a little help in getting the "stars to align". On average, 80% of those that take Clomid that do not ovulate begin ovulation. Of that 80% approx. 40% conceive. So our chances of Clomid leading to a baby is 32/100. We are being hopeful especially because even with IVF there's a 50% chance. Also, people have heard that when someone is on Clomid they are more than likely to have multiples (twins, triplets, etc.) this is kind of true. It happens but, it isn't likely, about 7-10 out of 100 have multiples.

The beginning of Clomid

I'm away from home for work this week. Not very far away from home but far enough I can't pick up my prescription and the husband has to deliver. Good thing he's a saint. Anyways, I started my period 2 days ago! You have no idea how excited I was to see that sight. We weren't sure how long we would have to wait because since puberty hit I've rarely (if ever) had a regular period and we thought April and May were flukes. But to have it start exactly when it "should" is truly a miracle. Especially because its been right on schedule April, May, and now June. So, what's the significance of this you ask? Well, day 3-7 of my cycle is when my doctor wanted me to start Clomid. At first my period wasn't very heavy so I thought it was just coincedental spotting but nope we are good to go. So I called the doctor this morning and left a message. Within a couple hours I got a call back from the nurse asking which pharmacy I'd like my prescription sent to. After a lengthy discussion via 3 different phone calls on my part I had all my little questions answered, reviewed the process multiple times, made sure I knew when the little swimmers needed to swim (if ya get my drift)...and we were in business.

Side story...don't worry that husband went to pick up the magic pills and the pharmacy had no record of the prescription and that it was 2:00 pm and the doctor's office closes at 4:00 pm. AHHHHH!! talk about stressful. It was a Friday...the doctor's office is closed Saturday and Sunday, which means the soonest I would have gotten them would be Monday which would be day 6 of my cycle. Remember how day 7 would be the last day I needed to take the meds? Yeah..no point by then. I was FREAKING out. But don't worry after 2 more phone calls to the doctors and another call to the pharmacy all was well.

Anyhow, I took my first pill of Clomid today. I feel good about things. Obviously we won't know if it works for awhile but my hopes are high.

(Side note-hopefully you aren't totally grossed out about this but I want to be straight up honest about the whole thing.)

The first appointment

I went to the OBGYN today for an "Infertility Consultation", basically a 15-20 minutes sit down with the doctor to discuss some options to get the baby factory working. 

My doctor is great! I've couldn't be more grateful that she's the one I saw. She broke everything down to the basics in a language I understood regardless of how much I already knew. I guess she could of just thought I was dumb but, it was nice to have her explain things and validate the fact that I haven't done something horrible and that's why God is stopping me from having kids. Anyways, she asked me a lot of questions about my menstrual cycle and my experience with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). We talked about her thoughts on what's happening with my body, specifically my ovaries. She told me that in regards to fertility issues that PCOS is the easiest and least expensive problem to treat. She's confident that I'm simply not ovulating. Which is a relief but of course at this point its not 100% that it's the issue. 

Based on the thought that I'm not ovulating, together we made a game plan. She jumped straight to IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) and said that it is definitely the most expensive and invasive way to get pregnant and only has a 50% shot at working. Don't worry....that's not what she wanted to start with. For her that is a last resort and I'm not even sure if that's something we'll want to do. Because of all the reasons though she recommended that we begin with baby steps and use medication to get my body to ovulate. I agreed and from there we created a plan. 

On the 3rd-7th day of my cycle I will begin taking Clomid, a fertility medication, after that we'll have to do the deed every other day and then the wait will begin. Come the next month if I don't have a period it will be one of two reasons...1) I'm pregnant! 2) I didn't have my period just like normal. We'll be rooting for the first reason! After that I'll take a pregnancy test. If it's positive...YAYYAYA! If it's negative...we try again. Of course, couples that are "normal" even take a few months to get pregnant so it's probably not necessary to say that we'll more than likely have to try the Clomid for a few months. Clomid provides a 5-15% chance of getting pregnant. Which seems low but when IVF is only 50% it's not that bad. If after 4-5 months things aren't working out then we'll start with some other medications and move forward with a new plan. But, for now we're feeling good and confident that we just need to get some ovulation going on. 

Before we start that though we have to wait a bit longer. We have four things to do before we can start the medication just to rule out some other causes of our infertile state....1) I had to have some blood work done to test my glucose, HCG, and thyroid. I had a feeling they would do this so I went to my appointment fasting which made quite convenient to go straight to the lab and have my blood drawn. One less appointment. 2) Dr. D wants to make sure my uterus is A-OKAY. So I have to get an ultrasound to check the shape, placement, etc. 3) I have to take my temperature every morning for about a month. That's how they track ovulation because when you're ovulating your body temperature increases ever so slightly. She's convinced I'm not but for good measure the thermometer and I will have a rendezvous every morning. 4) 40% of infertility cases are due to low sperm count. So, in three days we'll collect a "specimen" and run it over to the lab for testing. The hubs is super excited about that....

But yeah...that's where we're at. Now that I've finally gone to the doctor and have a plan in place I'm feeling a lot better. Thanks to those who encouraged me to go. It was hard to do. I was really anxious about it but, I'm SO grateful that I did it. Whatever happens..happens. And it'll be okay. I know that all of this is happening for a reason regardless of how much I know as to why. Heavenly Father is in control and I know that if we have faith regardless of whether or not we are able to have babies that we'll be okay. Some days will be hard and that will be that. But, we have faith and feel strongly that our little family will grow sooner or later. 

The story begins..

When I was younger, first grade or so, my class adopted a manatee in Florida. It was a fun class project as we studied sea animals. The endangered species organization would send the class pictures of our manatee with fact sheets, etc. That experience was one of my most significant memories and since then I have dreamed of seeing manatee in real life. Well, last year for our annual vacation my husband and I went to Walt Disney World and I saw my manatee. Two of them in fact. It was one of those dreams come true kind of moments.

Now I get that seeing a manatee in real life is a strange dream but, it was mine and something I wanted. I think everyone has a dream that they want to come dream. Some may be silly in the eyes of others but its theirs and they deserve to see it come true.

My next dream is to have a baby.  My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 25 months. That's two years and one month in case you weren't sure. It might as well be FOREVER. We've been experiencing all sorts of emotions and having so many experiences throughout all of this. So with that in mind and as a way to get everything out so I don't go crazy this blog is dedicated to the dreamers in the world. The ones that want to see a manatee.

It's about the reality of life. It's honest. It's full of emotion. And it's the story of my dreams.

It's Project Manatee.