Have you guys considered adoption?
We've looked a lot into adoption a lot and it will always be on the table. Due to financial constraints we would have to go through LDS Family Services because they subsidize some of the expenses.
Why are you going with In Vitro Fertilization (IVF)?
The reason we've decided on IVF is because both our eggs and sperm are totally fine. It's just getting the eggs out of my ovaries that is the problem. We have several friends that have been waiting months (and some have waited years) to adopt. In Utah alone right now there are 300+ couples trying to adopt through LDS Family Services alone. It really is amazing how many people struggle with infertility. But at the same time some adoptive couples get picked by birth parents within weeks of submitting their application.
Anyways our thought process behind the IVF is that if we can get my eggs to Matt's sperm and they get things figured out in my uterus then we'll do it because there are so many people that already know that no matter what they do they aren't going to be able to have children biologically or treatments aren't an option financially or for whatever reason. Does that make sense? We figure we could have a baby and another couple could have a baby through adoption. But, if we do IVF and the issues are beyond just getting my eggs out there then adoption is the way to go.
Have you struggled spiritually because of infertility?
Matt has done really well but that's Matt. He struggles watching me struggle but other than that..nope he hasn't wavered at all. Matt has always been full of faith and when he knows or understands something its a done deal. Nothing shakes him.
I on the other hand have had my moments. I've never questioned whether or not God exists or loves us. But I have had moments where I've questioned my worthiness to be a mother and what I may or may not have done to be worthy of that blessing. I've also had moments where I've felt so overwhelmed and sad that I honestly couldn't see anything ahead of me. I wasn't suicidal or anything just depressed about our situation. It was foreign, confusing, and just hard to deal with.
Other times I would wish that God would just tell me what decisions we should make instead of helping us figure them out on our own. There's just so much thought, prayer, emotions-good and bad, and research that goes into it that there are moments where I think "No more! I can't do it anymore!" but then I snap out of it and keep moving.
It's amazing how much stronger you find out you are when you rely on the Lord and do all you can to be one with the Spirit. We've learned so much about the Atonement and what an essential piece it plays in our lives.
Is it difficult to be around people with kids or pregnant women?
Nope! Not one bit. This is something that we both feel strongly that Heavenly Father has blessed us with. We haven't felt any spite, hatred, sorrow, or anything of that sort because others, like our friends, have kids or are pregnant. In fact we LOVE to be around all of those little babes and couldn't be more excited for those that are expecting! It's almost therapeutic for us and builds our confidence in our abilities to be parents. We adore our niece and nephew and we absolutely love our friends' children. They are incredible little people and we feel close to the Lord when we're around them. Plus I like buying baby/kid stuff...so we spoil them a bit.
However, I COMPLETELY understand how couples struggling with infertility get to the point where they resent others for their ability to have children. When you want something so badly and it feels like its never in your reach its easy to let those feelings build up and come out. We're human and we compare ourselves to others and it can be difficult to cope with something that should come naturally to you doesn't.
Why do you say "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."?
We say that because fertility treatments are still kind of new to the world and seem to be "taboo" with a lot of people. Its because people aren't educated about the different treatments and they don't understand. Coping with infertility is a trial in itself so adding judgements about our choice to pursue medical intervention isn't something we want to deal with. We'd rather people judge in silence or behind our backs then tell us how we "shouldn't mess with the natural process of life", "question God's abilities", or that "dumping medications into your body will make that baby have deformities".
Would you want to deal with that stuff? Yay....I didn't think so.
People share their thoughts because they want their opinions to be heard which we respect. But at the same time this decision has nothing to do with them and isn't something we just thought would be fun so we ask that others respect our decision and in this instance keep those kind of thoughts/opinions to themselves.
Has anyone said or done anything offensive to either of you?
Ummmmm....yes. I guess so. I suppose if we took it offensively. We really try to stay positive and forget the ignorant comments people have to say. Sometimes people don't realize what's coming out of their mouths or they have no idea that we're struggling with infertility. I'm sure I've said something completely offensive because I had no idea a person was struggling, you know what I mean? But, people have said stupid things like "Do you guys even want to have kids?", "Watch my kids for an hour or so and you won't want babies anymore.", "You just need to pray harder and have more faith.", "I've heard that you if you decide to adopt that you'll get pregnant right after. It happens to everyone so you should try it." etc. etc.
I think people say things with good intent. They aren't meaning to be rude or insensitive. They just haven't ever had to view being parents the way we do.
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