I wish there was some sort of Mary Poppins equation that made all of this easier. Or not happen at all for that matter. But low and behold there is nothing new from what I already know.
We are active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I'm growing more grateful that we have such a simple yet strengthening understanding of God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost. I'll be honest we've struggled in our ward (congregation) a bit because people aren't super outgoing. People are always coming and going so everyone is hesitant to get to know/talk to each other. This makes Relief Society (our women's group meeting) a bit hard to go to. But I've been pushing myself to go and have a change of heart/attitude. Because of this week's events I've been down in the dumps and even though I know I should be turning to the Lord I've been avoiding Him. PRIDE. That's all it is. It's stupid but it's the truth. It seems like it would be easier to be mad and just feel bad for myself but, its made it worse. I'm glad I went to Relief Society today because the lesson was on faith. Boy, oh boy, was that humbling. Here I am wallowing in self pity a lot longer than I should be and God goes and touches my heart with His Spirit and lets me know he truly is listening to me. I swear the lesson, however long ago they wrote the manual, was written for me.
Let me tell you about what I learned:
Faith is such a hard thing to grasp/have/comprehend/HAVE/keep. It takes a lot of work. Think about the times your heart is heavy or you feel like it impossible to endure or those moments when you don't feel like God will accept you in His arms. Those are the moments your faith can grow or wither. You have to fight. Faith pushes you to fight. No matter how hard it gets you have to keep doing what you know is right. Righteous behavior leads to a growth in your faith. You can't give up. I can't give up.
"When we become confused, and find ourselves confronted by obstacles we, seemingly, cannot overcome, having faith in the Redeemer of the world, we can go to Him and know that our prayers will be answered for our good."
I added the emphasis on SEEMINGLY because that is important to remember. Things only SEEM impossible to overcome. It's not the reality. With the help of the Savior we can overcome them. I'll be honest throughout this trial I have had moments where I didn't think Christ could help me. But thats not true. He can. He will. I believe.
"The Lord has a way of accomplishing things that we are unable to do, and never asks us to do anything that he does not make the way possible. He will not require anything without preparing the way."
Hard to believe, right? There are some things in this life that we can't believe God asks us to do. But He does. And He does for good reason. We just don't always know what that reason is. We have to believe miracles. I have to believe that God will give me a baby when it is time. And I have to believe that He is asking me to be faithful and endure this trial and do everything that we can because what we gain will be worth every horrible moment.
"If you have something that the Lord asks or expects you to do and you don't know just how to proceed, do your best. Move in the direction that you ought to go; trust the Lord, give him a chance, and he will never fail you.
What a wonderful thing it is to know that we can, if we will, hold our Heavenly Father's hand and be guided by him."
Every time something happens with this whole infertility business I get so nervous and so overwhelmed. I question the decisions we've made, wonder if we are going in the right direction, I ask myself over and over if I'm really listening to the Spirit or if I'm just crazzzzzy. But I will tell you this..if we are living our lives righteously and doing all that we know we can our thoughts become one with the Spirit. We are worthy of the direction of God and there is no reason we should question the way we are moving no matter how crazy, or illogical it seems. We have to trust the Lord and we have to trust ourselves.
PS-You can fine the lesson here....The Strengthening Power of Faith
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