No one mourns the wicked

My birthday is coming up and my dear father and mother in law bought us tickets to my FAVORITE broadway show...WICKED. I LOVE IT!! Obsessed really. I could watch it and listen to the music over and over. I've seen it multiple times however the hubs never has. I was especially excited for this night out to share something I love with him.

Sadly...I had an episode that deterred from the excitement. The added hormones courtesy of the Clomid I've been taking have made me CRAAAAZY. Husband said something early in the afternoon that "hurt" my feelings and then when I was just getting over that he literally turned the wrong direction and I went bonkers. I have never been so upset/enraged/mad/sad in my life. And the worst part I KNEW that it was completely irrational and ridiculous but I could not do a thing about it. I couldn't control it. I couldn't do anything. So I ran into the bedroom and cried my eyes out. Husband is so good to me and waited until I was ready to talk about it. We then proceeded to have some mini arguments because again my ability to make what I was feeling logical in any way was not possible.  So I cried some more and finally, amongst the sobs and tears, I was honest with myself and then with husband.
I told him that I couldn't do it anymore. That I was terrified that if I couldn't handle what this medicine was doing to me then how could I ever do what may come next? I told him how I was afraid that this was my sacrifice and that I couldn't give anymore so God wouldn't be able to bless us.

I was finally honest with my fear...That I wouldn't be able to do any of it. That this was the end.

Then I told him that I couldn't take Clomid anymore. That I did everything that I could do with this medicine and that I would try anything else but no more Clomid. I told him about how I wanted a baby more than anything and that I did all I could up to this point but I couldn't take Clomid again. I was sobbing by this point. Sobbing because I had been fighting this feeling in hopes that I was just being a wuss and that I could muster up the strength to believe I could take the medicine again if I needed to. Sobbing because I was finally able to say out loud what I had been thinking and feeling. Once I said it out loud it became real. I felt like I was failure but at the same time I felt so much better. And husband already knew that we needed to stop. He didn't need me to tell him.

We both felt the confirmation of the Spirit in our decision and I felt more relief than I had in months. We've been praying for the direction of God in our efforts to have a baby and we believe that this has been an answer to our prayers. We decided that we won't be pursuing anything that involves Clomid. And I tell you what, I will not miss it.

To cut the story short husband wiped my tears, gave me a pep talk, and we got ready to go. We made it to our seats 2 minutes before the curtain opened and enjoyed the delightful entertainment of the Wicked Witch of the West and Glinda the Good Witch. The hubs loved it. He is beginning to enjoy the goodness of the theater.