Today didn't go well. The doctor couldn't see any follicles this time. Last week we had 2 that we're at 10 and 11 but now they're gone. And there is no explanation. I feel so lost and confused right now. So frustrated and angry. I have so many thoughts going around in my mind.
I look back at the last three weeks and think about the amount of medicine I took...its crazy. I remember at one point it was 8 pills a day plus a shot. It was nuts. In the beginning I was so nervous to mix the shots but after a couple times I got it down easy peasy and was popping those needles in my stomach like it was nothin. We didn't do ovulation tests because with PCOS your hormones are all over the place so you can get false positives. The doctor said if we wanted to do it we could but she was okay either way. We opted out and I don't have any regrets about it. I don't think it would have helped us know if it was happening or not.
Because I didn't respond in the way we had hoped we're taking a break for a few months. We're going to focus on becoming healthier physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially for a bit. We've taken a big hit in all those areas over the last year and we need to step back a bit.
I think taking a break will be good for me emotionally too. The last two weeks have been the hardest ones and I just don't know how much more I can handle right now. I need some time to muster up some more hope I suppose.
Have you ever had a trial where you start to struggle to even pray? Lately I just dread praying with Matt when its my turn to pray. I'm fine on my own for personal prayers but family prayer just about pushes me over the edge. I just start sobbing. My heart aches and pleading to the Lord on our behalf takes a lot out of me. I want to grow our family with Matt. Praying with him is so sacred to me and I think thats why I become so emotional.
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