I never over-think.

I haven't written for a long time. Well at least not publicly. I want to be honest about my feelings so here it is...I'm struggling. And a lot of the struggles have been brought on by yours truly. I have a slight tendency to do what Matt calls "over-think" things. Turn nothing into something and the only one that can really see it is myself.

For one thing, work is really stressful right now and I have a feeling its going to get worse before it gets better. There are a lot of things happening and changing. A lot of unknowns really. Because of that I'm starting to question the timing of our plans. Should we reschedule things? Should we reconsider whether or not to grow our family until Matt's done with school and then I can stay at home? When we get pregnant is it going to add extra stress to my work? When we have babies projects are still going to need to get done...will they be done well? Is the stress of work going to affect my pregnancy? What if we get pregnant, I get too stressed out because of work, and then we lose the baby?

Number two, social media is going to be the death of me. I hate the internet and social media sometimes. People get addicted to it or so wrapped up in it that your confidence is based off how many "likes" you get and right now I'm feeling like one of those people. The internet is an amazing tool. Absolutely amazing and so much good can come from it. But when I post something about the race and only 3 people like it I start to panic. I get anxious and start thinking that people are annoyed with me talking about our infertility or about the race. Then those thoughts start shifting into the idea that if people are annoyed they aren't going to come to the race because they're so sick of me and then we aren't going to raise enough money to do IVF and we'll have to wait another three years to have babies. And before I know it I'm staring at my phone waiting for the little number to appear on my Facebook app telling me someone has liked the post.

Now times the intensity of those questions by 100 and read them really really fast over and over and you'll have a tiny glimpse into my brain. My over-thinking brain. My emotional, over-thinking brain.

The thing that is frustrating (yet comforting) is that even though I'm thinking all of that, my heart and spirit are telling me something else...
"All will be well."
"If you are working hard and being honest you have nothing to worry about."
"Work is work. It will always be there and you will always wonder so just do your best and trust that it will work out."
"Whether you are there or not, the projects will get taken care of."
"Its okay if something gets done by someone else. That's why you have co-workers."
"Social media is a horrible way to judge the outcome of the race. Only a handful of people see those posts and chances are they just don't want to get a billion notifications that come when others like it."
"The love of others can't be measures by how many likes you get."
"People will come. Be patient and faith filled."
"You, Matt and several others have worked hard to raise the money you need to do this. The Lord will bless you for that and you will have what you need."
"You faithfully keep the commandments and do what is asked of you. That is all that is expected."

And each of those thoughts are confirmed by the Holy Ghost so I know they're true. But then fear and doubt sneak right on in and I get all flustered and frustrated because things are conflicting and when it comes to the over-thinking piece of me I get all worked up and irritated with myself and sometimes all the worries win.

I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired of doubting. But no matter how hard I try not to, it still comes and it starts all over again.

How do I turn off my over-thinking, emotional brain? How do I not worry about these things? How have I let myself become so enthralled in things like social media?