My mind is runnnnnnnnnnning....

This is how I feel today.

I Believe in Christ.

Yesterday we went to the baptism of one of my students. She's read the Book of Mormon probably more diligently than I ever have, studied the Restoration, met with the missionaries, and even told her very religious family that she's made the decision to be baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was such a special day to be there with her and so many of my students who have been such wonderful examples of what it means to be a member of the church. Oh I love seeing others make that commitment to the Lord!

As she was changing out of her wet clothes we all sang hymns to keep the Spirit there and stay focused on the real reason we were there: Jesus Christ. We sang "I Believe in Christ" and "Nearer, My God, To Thee". Both hold such tender memories for me. When I was a missionary for the LDS Church I would sometimes struggle with tracting, where we would go from door to door inviting people to learn more about Christ and our faith. In fact most days I hated it. It was uncomfortable, boring, and monotonous. But I did it. Everyday. Because I didn't always have the best attitude about it I had to regularly remind myself WHY I was doing it. Hence where these two hymns come into play. I would sing them in my head over and over to remind myself of the Savior and the love that He has for me and for all those around me. (Plus they have catchy tunes that my not so music talented self could remember.) When I was focused on the Savior I was able to see the miracles that He would bring before me. I was able to see my testimony and the testimony of my companions touch the hearts of others. I was able to see others accept His love and His gospel. I was able to see the unbelievable happen in lives of others.

Yesterday, when we were singing my heart was full of peace and love. I knew my Savior loved me and I knew more than ever that He could make the unbelievable in my life happen.

I believe in Christ; he stands supreme!

From him I'll gain my fondest dream;

And while I strive through grief and pain,

His voice is heard: "Ye shall obtain."

I believe in Christ; so come what may, 

With him I'll stand in that great day

When on this earth he comes again

To rule among the sons of men. 

Regardless of what happens I'm grateful to know that the Lord knows and loves me. He knows my "fondest dream" and I know that it will one day happen. 

For now though, COME WHAT MAY. Our trials can be so difficult and frustrating but I know that as we are diligent in living a Christ centered life we can feel at peace and soon see the unbelievable happen. I know some people out there don't believe that but I do. I've seen and I've felt it in my own life and as cliché as it may sound...it is real. Christ is real. The Spirit is real. That peace and happiness is real. 

We've come out of the infertility closet.

What a day! Pound the Pavement for Parenthood officially announced their races and the couples they're sponsoring. We were so excited! So many people are sharing the post and we're thrilled to have so much support. We can't wait for the meetings we'll have to nail down the details and really get things going. Thank you to all those that are sharing the post on their walls and with their friends!

On another note...tonight we went out to dinner with some old friends for work (my job is awesome for that reason. I get to help bring alumni back and get them involved in all sorts of things.) and one that I haven't seen for quite some time asked Matt and I if there would be kids on the way anytime soon. Now normally our response is "We'll have to see." or "That's a good question...." followed by a change in the subject. These types of response have come like a reflex in the past but this time it took me off guard because its not a secret any more.
I felt my face turn red because several of those that were there are familiar with our situation and we're waiting to see what we'd say. It was the first time I could be completely honest with someone I'm not close to. It was weird. It took me by surprise because it was so different from what I've been used to for the last 3 years. We told them, briefly of course, our situation and they offered their condolences along with stories of those they know that have done private adoptions or foster care. They asked us to keep them in the loop if there was anything they could do and we carried on with our meal, conversations about T-Mobile, UVU, root beer, and marriage. I hadn't thought about what it would be like to share our story in one of these situations. It was different but not nearly as bad as I thought it could be.

Here's to sharing our story! It's liberating!

Beyond blessed.

Matt and I can't even begin to express the gratitude we have felt in the last 24 hours. I wish there were words that I could put together to explain how we feel. The outpouring of love and support has been phenomenal.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Thank you for the kind words.

Thank you for the support.

Thank you for your excitement.

And most of all thank you for your prayers.

Your thoughts and prayers have lifted us and we are grateful for the peace we have felt in our decision to share our story.

FAQ

So in addition to the outpouring love we've been receiving today we've gotten a few questions as well.

To help answer some questions that seem to be pretty common we've put together a FAQ page. 

To get to it just click on the link on the right hand side.

If you have any other questions you want to ask go for it! We don't mind being asked questions at all we just don't like the beat around the bush type things so please don't be afraid. 

I finally pushed the "Send" button

AHHHHHH!!! Now people know. Can't take it back. Can't change our minds. 

I wrote the email to send to our close family and friends last week when we first heard back from PPP. I've read it over and over and over again. Multiple times a day. I did my best to listen to the Spirit to find that balance between too much information and not enough information. Plus I have no idea what people want to know and not know. 

What if people don't understand? What if they are weirded out or uncomfortable around us? That would be the worst. I don't want things to be different and I don't want anyone to feel bad for us. It may not make sense for me to say that but everyone has their hard things and this is ours so in my mind there isn't any reason for things to change. That's a thought for another day I suppose. 

Either way I've pressed "Send" and it's out there. I'm already feeling awkward. Tomorrow is going to be a real treat. I get weird when I'm talking to people anyway so this is going to be a real comedy. 

Wish me luck. 

The ball is rollin!

I just sent in our picture and bio to Pound the Pavement for Parenthood. I'm still on cloud 9 about this and so excited about moving forward! Things are starting to feel more and more real. It's nice to have something to work towards.
This is the picture we're using...

It's my favorite picture of us so I use it for everything. Our dear friend Kara Fugal took it for us when we were engaged. I LOVE it! 

And this is our bio....Enjoy!

Matt and I have been trying to start our family since May 2010. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) when I was about 16. I took birth control pills off and on to help regulate the symptoms of PCOS but until we were actively trying to conceive there was no way to know how everything would play out. 

In May 2012, after 2 years of own efforts and hoping "the stars would align" we began Clomid. My body still didn't respond after 3 cycles at the highest dosage and we made the decision to see a specialist at the Utah Fertility Center. From there we began a cycle of Fermara which I didn't respond to either. In anticipation of finding something that would kick things into gear we tried Fermara again at the highest dosage in combination with FSH shots. I finally responded in November 2012 but although the treatment was successful it did not result in pregnancy. 

Confident that I would respond again we began the treatment a second time. Sadly, my body was slow to respond and it resulted in a month of daily shots and a pill cocktail. Confident that my follicles had developed to the necessary degree we went to our appointment on December 20, 2012 only to find out that my follicles had disappeared with no explanation. Our hearts were heavy and our hope had diminished. That day in consultation with our doctor it was decided that the next step would be to move forward with IVF. 

After that appointment we decided to take a break to regroup and prepare for our future physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. During that time we've continued to grow in our love for one another and our faith in the Lord. Our hearts are full of hope and we're officially back on the baby makin' band wagon!

We're excited to see what the future brings and are so grateful for programs like Pound the Pavement for Parenthood that are so willing to help miracles happen in others' lives. Special thanks to the board of Pound the Pavement for Parenthood and the many others supporting us in our quest to have children! For more information please feel free to follow our blog atwww.projectmanatee.blogspot.com.